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Archive for the ‘switching’ Category

Loving Violence – The Power of Punching

Posted by Týr on August 9, 2009

Seeing the empty schedule board at KinkForAll-NYC2 yesterday morning, I decided that that afternoon would bea good opportunity for me to give a quick presentation on one of my favorite kinks, both as a top and a bottom: punching. So in between keeping the event on schedule and before lunch, I jotted down some quick notes about punching, hoping that I had enough to fill my 20 minute slot. It seems I just barely did, so now I’ll put my notes here (and on the KFA website). I’m also mostly going to speak from the position of a punching top, but I do enjoy both topping and bottoming to punching.

Why do I like punching? Well, to me, there are four things about it: it’s a very direct, intimate, powerful, and passionate. And now let me explain what I mean by these terms:

  • direct: there is nothing between you and your bottom. There’s no toy that separates you from your bottom. You feel the same impact your bottom feels, though obviously in a different way.
  • intimate: punching, to me, is a very primal, violent act. To me, someone letting me punch them is a huge sign of trust. Also, by the very nature of punching, you need to be within arm’s length of your bottom. There’s no way for you to not be in your bottom’s face when you’re punching them, so it adds a certain element of “I can’t escape!” to the scene
  • powerful: since punching is, generally speaking, something that is done only out of great anger, letting someone do this out of love makes this so very intense, at least for me. To allow me to turn this angry act into a loving one means a lot to me, and I very much enjoy showing my bottoms this love. They often don’t know just how much love they’re in for.
  • passionate: you cannot throw a punch and do it half-assed. It’s just not possible. Even if you are just going for a fairly light punch, it is going to be very intense. It is a style of play that makes for passionate play, whether you want it to or not.

Additionally, if you are stronger than your bottom, it is a lot of fun to man-handle your bottom. If you’re punching your bottom’s chest and you decide that you want to move on to their back, just pull them up, flip them around, and shove them back against whatever they were leaning against. There’s quite the power rush that comes with that kind of physical domination.

I got to say, as a top, I really like to bruise. I really enjoy knowing that the next morning, when my bottom wakes up and gets in that early morning stretch, they immediately have to cut it short because of the bruises. So please be aware, your bottom will bruise. I, personally, when I get punched, rarely visibly bruise. But a bottom I play with often bruises quite nicely, and the evil person in me really does enjoy poking at the bruises, quite literally, the next day. Also, the next day bruises are often lovely, or as Maja describes them, “tasty”, reminders of the previous night’s fun. And playing lightly with bruises is really fun, no matter what role you’re playing.

Finally, we get to where to punch. Punching is generally done wherever you do other kinds of impact play: the big meaty areas, like the chest, upper back, thighs, shoulder. Avoid joints, kidneys, like you do with flogging or caning or somesuch. I tend to avoid forearms and calves, but I find them not substantial enough, but I suppose your mileage may vary. As for technique, a great hint that I received was to “aim 3 inches below the surface of the skin.” Let me explain what that means: if you are at arm’s reach, then you end up slowing your punch already by the time you fist is about to impact, because else the rest of your body will follow your fist across the room. Clearly this would not be good. So, if you position yourself so that full extension means you’d end up “3 inches below the surface” your fist will impact while still moving at full speed, leading to a much more satisfying blow. And finally, you want to punch with more than just your arms. If you only use your fists to punch, you only end up with a jab. Now, this can be fun if that’s what  you want. But if you want throw as much power into your fist as possible, then you have to use your whole body. I wish I had a martial arts background to explain this better, but basically your entire body has to be in motion for a punch to be as powerful as possible. Your knees, your legs, your torso, your upper body are all driving your arm forward and your arm itself is doing any of the effort.

So that’s my presentation on Punching in a nutshell. If you were at KFA and saw me present and have any questions or things to add, please comment. I’d be glad to address any questions you may have, possibly at other KFAs. I’m thinking about doing this at KFA-Boston in September, so making this presentation better would be much appreciated. Any and all feedback is welcome.

Posted in emotions, intimacy, kink, pain, punching, sexuality, switching | 6 Comments »

This bicycle is also a detour…

Posted by Týr on May 21, 2009

Two weeks ago I was thoroughly in dom-mode and Maja complimented that very nicely. She was more than happy to be at my beck and call and we had delightfully rough sex every night. Then, over the weekend, I caught a massive cold which knocked me out of commission for last week. Thus, my period of dominance took a break as I got better and ready to take control of Maja once again.

Then, one night, I was woken up shortly after going to sleep by Maja teasing me. “What made you react this way?” I had no idea what she was talking about. After all, I had woken up to someone working very hard (I assume) to get me very worked up. Still, I was dropping like a brick, and all I wanted was for her to continue. “How long should we keep this going, huh? How long do you want to go without orgasm?” I wasn’t nearly awake enough to appreciate or fully enjoy the predicament I suddenly found myself in. I hadn’t even properly understood the first question yet. Still, I mumbled something along the lines of “However long you want. I don’t want to know.” I know, all fairly standard T&D male lines – nothing special here.

The thing is, she decided to start this T&D time just before the week when I decided I would be biking to (and from) work everyday. Now, Manhattan is mostly fairly flat terrain, so most biking not very grueling. However, we live in the (relatively) higher elevations of Manhattan, so that means that between me and home is a very big and steep hill. Getting up this hill and back home is totally doable, but here’s the thing: after conquering this hill I feel like I just want to throw Maja down on our bed and have my way with her. I want to say that I’ve mentioned this to her in the past, when we were living further uptown and there was an even bigger hill in the way of home, but for whatever reason we never actually acted on this. Perhaps this is because shortly thereafter I would say “wow, I’m hungry. and in desperate need of a shower!”

But now, I get home and I am just full of adrenaline from biking up that hill and then having to weave through NYC traffic for about half a mile and I must somehow transform this initial desire to dominate (or at least very much top)  Maja into something that is much more submissive. And somehow I’ve managed to do it, for the most part, but I don’t know how, exactly. A few days ago Maja came home shortly after I finished my post-ride shower and I was still so pumped up that she didn’t know what to do with me.

I wish I could more easily exchange this dominant streak for something that is more useful to the dynamic we have right now. The only thing I can think of is to have more practice with this. Eventually I’ll stumble onto it. Or at least that’s what I’m hoping for.

Posted in emotions, kink, orgasm control, orientation, relationships, sexuality, switching | 3 Comments »

Radiance blinding as it gives and now takes

Posted by Týr on March 19, 2008

(continued from previous post)

What was missing was really simply an intensity, a deeper intent in the scenes than simply haivng fingertips digging into your back. It was nice to feel vulnerable for a change, but that wasn’t enough for me. I re-discovered something that made me figure out what could provide that which I was missing.

While going through my computer, I discovered that I had downloaded but not yet listened to editions 6 & 7 of Kink On Tap. I decided that that had to be rectified, and so the next time I had 2 hours to spare, I listened to both of them, back to back. And somehow, that struct a chord. Both of the podcasts are about T&D, which I would describe as my core kink when I bottom, but had somehow fallen out of my favor for some reason. For whatever reason listening to the two podcasts rekindled my interest in T&D, so I soon asked Maja not to let me orgasm for a while, but if she really wanted to, then I would have no objections to this.

And, holy crap, I took to that like a fish to water.  As did Maja. She was definitely enjoying teasing me, having me wrapped around her finger like that. There was one point, after a week of being denied (my longest stretch up to then – I know, some claim that’s nothing) where I was lying down with my head in her lap, talking to her as she lightly teased me, and I said to her “I kind of want you to not let me come this week. – But I also want you to ignore everything I say and let me have an orgasm real soon.” I somehow also managed to actually enjoy the pain of blue balls, which surprised me.

Still, luckily/sadly that bit of denial came to a mind-shattering end after two weeks, and as happens to many people, I somehow didn’t quite want to start right up again with the a full-blown scene. And then, a few days later, just when I was ready to let Maja decide again whether I get to enjoy an orgasm or not, life sadly intervened and Maja was taken out of commission when it comes to kink for two weeks.

Posted in chastity, emotions, humiliation, kink, language, orgasm control, orientation, sexuality, switching, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

If one cut the source of the flow and everything would change

Posted by Týr on March 11, 2008

For about 18-24 months of our relationship, I was topping Maja, without too much switching during this time. There were a number of reasons this was happening, some I might be able to list, none of which are important to this entry. Still, both of us identified as switches, even though she hadn’t topped me in at least a year and a half.

I had spent such a long time only topping that I started to wonder whether the term ‘switch’ still applied to me. After all, I didn’t really long for bottoming. I spent a good deal of time on an internal debate saying “Are you a top or a switch? Because switches will, at times, you know, switch. You don’t really want to do that, do you? Just admit it, you’re a top, not a switch!” to myself, to which the common reply was “But I do want to bottom again eventually, just not now. Or in the near future. Give it some time. I’m not a top. (yet?)” So this was my internal non-schizoid dialogue for a number of weeks.

This discussion was put on hold when I went to Tanzania in late November. After all, I had no need for such thoughts when HOLY CRAP A LION! However, at the end of my 2.5 week trip, when I had a hotel room to myself for a day, my thoughts did return to Maja. Specifically, I was discharging a 2 week build-up while imagining various stock fantasies of mine that involved me definitely being the bottom. Not too unusual for me, and these thoughts are probably what kept me from changing my self-identity from “switch” to top”.

When I returned in December, Maja mentioned to me that she had become a little less automatically-bottom-y during the 18 days that I was gone. This wasn’t quite what I was expecting, but I can’t say that I was surprised. She had said something similar when I had gone to Germany for a wedding during the summer. That time, however, we soon slipped back into our old, prior roles since I was only gone for a week. We spent some time in an awkward limbo, with, I realize now, me waiting for us to revert back to the roles of old. This didn’t happen. However, seeing this more confident, take-charge Maja did slowly get me to actually want to bottom, at which point one voice in my head went “HAHA! I WIN!”

Then, in January, at the Rhode Island Fetish Flea, Maja would top me while we were lying in bed just before and after sleep. Nothing too intense, but a nice change that I did enjoy. There were a few snafus though, since, after all, Maja was rusty. I mean, wouldn’t you be after all that time? Still, I enjoyed it a lot, and it led to us to play around with it some more over the next month or so. Mostly she would dig her nails into my back, scratch me a lot, slap me; fairly light stuff.  But somehow something was still missing.

(That is what my next post shall be about.)

Posted in emotions, humiliation, kink, orientation, relationships, sexuality, switching | 1 Comment »