Everyone needs a love tap now and then

…and it may just be good for what ails you.

Archive for the ‘orientation’ Category

This bicycle is also a detour…

Posted by Týr on May 21, 2009

Two weeks ago I was thoroughly in dom-mode and Maja complimented that very nicely. She was more than happy to be at my beck and call and we had delightfully rough sex every night. Then, over the weekend, I caught a massive cold which knocked me out of commission for last week. Thus, my period of dominance took a break as I got better and ready to take control of Maja once again.

Then, one night, I was woken up shortly after going to sleep by Maja teasing me. “What made you react this way?” I had no idea what she was talking about. After all, I had woken up to someone working very hard (I assume) to get me very worked up. Still, I was dropping like a brick, and all I wanted was for her to continue. “How long should we keep this going, huh? How long do you want to go without orgasm?” I wasn’t nearly awake enough to appreciate or fully enjoy the predicament I suddenly found myself in. I hadn’t even properly understood the first question yet. Still, I mumbled something along the lines of “However long you want. I don’t want to know.” I know, all fairly standard T&D male lines – nothing special here.

The thing is, she decided to start this T&D time just before the week when I decided I would be biking to (and from) work everyday. Now, Manhattan is mostly fairly flat terrain, so most biking not very grueling. However, we live in the (relatively) higher elevations of Manhattan, so that means that between me and home is a very big and steep hill. Getting up this hill and back home is totally doable, but here’s the thing: after conquering this hill I feel like I just want to throw Maja down on our bed and have my way with her. I want to say that I’ve mentioned this to her in the past, when we were living further uptown and there was an even bigger hill in the way of home, but for whatever reason we never actually acted on this. Perhaps this is because shortly thereafter I would say “wow, I’m hungry. and in desperate need of a shower!”

But now, I get home and I am just full of adrenaline from biking up that hill and then having to weave through NYC traffic for about half a mile and I must somehow transform this initial desire to dominate (or at least very much top)  Maja into something that is much more submissive. And somehow I’ve managed to do it, for the most part, but I don’t know how, exactly. A few days ago Maja came home shortly after I finished my post-ride shower and I was still so pumped up that she didn’t know what to do with me.

I wish I could more easily exchange this dominant streak for something that is more useful to the dynamic we have right now. The only thing I can think of is to have more practice with this. Eventually I’ll stumble onto it. Or at least that’s what I’m hoping for.

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Posted in emotions, kink, orgasm control, orientation, relationships, sexuality, switching | 3 Comments »

Radiance blinding as it gives and now takes

Posted by Týr on March 19, 2008

(continued from previous post)

What was missing was really simply an intensity, a deeper intent in the scenes than simply haivng fingertips digging into your back. It was nice to feel vulnerable for a change, but that wasn’t enough for me. I re-discovered something that made me figure out what could provide that which I was missing.

While going through my computer, I discovered that I had downloaded but not yet listened to editions 6 & 7 of Kink On Tap. I decided that that had to be rectified, and so the next time I had 2 hours to spare, I listened to both of them, back to back. And somehow, that struct a chord. Both of the podcasts are about T&D, which I would describe as my core kink when I bottom, but had somehow fallen out of my favor for some reason. For whatever reason listening to the two podcasts rekindled my interest in T&D, so I soon asked Maja not to let me orgasm for a while, but if she really wanted to, then I would have no objections to this.

And, holy crap, I took to that like a fish to water.  As did Maja. She was definitely enjoying teasing me, having me wrapped around her finger like that. There was one point, after a week of being denied (my longest stretch up to then – I know, some claim that’s nothing) where I was lying down with my head in her lap, talking to her as she lightly teased me, and I said to her “I kind of want you to not let me come this week. – But I also want you to ignore everything I say and let me have an orgasm real soon.” I somehow also managed to actually enjoy the pain of blue balls, which surprised me.

Still, luckily/sadly that bit of denial came to a mind-shattering end after two weeks, and as happens to many people, I somehow didn’t quite want to start right up again with the a full-blown scene. And then, a few days later, just when I was ready to let Maja decide again whether I get to enjoy an orgasm or not, life sadly intervened and Maja was taken out of commission when it comes to kink for two weeks.

Posted in chastity, emotions, humiliation, kink, language, orgasm control, orientation, sexuality, switching, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

If one cut the source of the flow and everything would change

Posted by Týr on March 11, 2008

For about 18-24 months of our relationship, I was topping Maja, without too much switching during this time. There were a number of reasons this was happening, some I might be able to list, none of which are important to this entry. Still, both of us identified as switches, even though she hadn’t topped me in at least a year and a half.

I had spent such a long time only topping that I started to wonder whether the term ‘switch’ still applied to me. After all, I didn’t really long for bottoming. I spent a good deal of time on an internal debate saying “Are you a top or a switch? Because switches will, at times, you know, switch. You don’t really want to do that, do you? Just admit it, you’re a top, not a switch!” to myself, to which the common reply was “But I do want to bottom again eventually, just not now. Or in the near future. Give it some time. I’m not a top. (yet?)” So this was my internal non-schizoid dialogue for a number of weeks.

This discussion was put on hold when I went to Tanzania in late November. After all, I had no need for such thoughts when HOLY CRAP A LION! However, at the end of my 2.5 week trip, when I had a hotel room to myself for a day, my thoughts did return to Maja. Specifically, I was discharging a 2 week build-up while imagining various stock fantasies of mine that involved me definitely being the bottom. Not too unusual for me, and these thoughts are probably what kept me from changing my self-identity from “switch” to top”.

When I returned in December, Maja mentioned to me that she had become a little less automatically-bottom-y during the 18 days that I was gone. This wasn’t quite what I was expecting, but I can’t say that I was surprised. She had said something similar when I had gone to Germany for a wedding during the summer. That time, however, we soon slipped back into our old, prior roles since I was only gone for a week. We spent some time in an awkward limbo, with, I realize now, me waiting for us to revert back to the roles of old. This didn’t happen. However, seeing this more confident, take-charge Maja did slowly get me to actually want to bottom, at which point one voice in my head went “HAHA! I WIN!”

Then, in January, at the Rhode Island Fetish Flea, Maja would top me while we were lying in bed just before and after sleep. Nothing too intense, but a nice change that I did enjoy. There were a few snafus though, since, after all, Maja was rusty. I mean, wouldn’t you be after all that time? Still, I enjoyed it a lot, and it led to us to play around with it some more over the next month or so. Mostly she would dig her nails into my back, scratch me a lot, slap me; fairly light stuff.  But somehow something was still missing.

(That is what my next post shall be about.)

Posted in emotions, humiliation, kink, orientation, relationships, sexuality, switching | 1 Comment »