Everyone needs a love tap now and then

…and it may just be good for what ails you.

Archive for the ‘language’ Category

Radiance blinding as it gives and now takes

Posted by Týr on March 19, 2008

(continued from previous post)

What was missing was really simply an intensity, a deeper intent in the scenes than simply haivng fingertips digging into your back. It was nice to feel vulnerable for a change, but that wasn’t enough for me. I re-discovered something that made me figure out what could provide that which I was missing.

While going through my computer, I discovered that I had downloaded but not yet listened to editions 6 & 7 of Kink On Tap. I decided that that had to be rectified, and so the next time I had 2 hours to spare, I listened to both of them, back to back. And somehow, that struct a chord. Both of the podcasts are about T&D, which I would describe as my core kink when I bottom, but had somehow fallen out of my favor for some reason. For whatever reason listening to the two podcasts rekindled my interest in T&D, so I soon asked Maja not to let me orgasm for a while, but if she really wanted to, then I would have no objections to this.

And, holy crap, I took to that like a fish to water.  As did Maja. She was definitely enjoying teasing me, having me wrapped around her finger like that. There was one point, after a week of being denied (my longest stretch up to then – I know, some claim that’s nothing) where I was lying down with my head in her lap, talking to her as she lightly teased me, and I said to her “I kind of want you to not let me come this week. – But I also want you to ignore everything I say and let me have an orgasm real soon.” I somehow also managed to actually enjoy the pain of blue balls, which surprised me.

Still, luckily/sadly that bit of denial came to a mind-shattering end after two weeks, and as happens to many people, I somehow didn’t quite want to start right up again with the a full-blown scene. And then, a few days later, just when I was ready to let Maja decide again whether I get to enjoy an orgasm or not, life sadly intervened and Maja was taken out of commission when it comes to kink for two weeks.

Posted in chastity, emotions, humiliation, kink, language, orgasm control, orientation, sexuality, switching, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

I summoned a demon and took it to bed

Posted by Týr on October 15, 2007

This past weekend at Topdrop’s play party I ended up beating The Scot nicely. We had agreed two weeks ago that this would happen after getting the ok from our respective significant others (neither couple would come close to describing themselves as polyamourous). Then last week the four of us sat down after the CV meeting and asked what each of us would be comfortable, what parts of her body I should avoid hitting, etc.

When we actually got to starting the scene at the party, I started it off by grabbing her neck and pushing her against the wall, just to get the scene off with a clear “I’m in charge” moment. I was then somewhat confused when she pushed my hand away. So I asked her “Is my hand on your neck not ok? I just realized that we didn’t actually negotiate that.” She assured me that it was ok, that she was simply a bottom that resists and makes my job that much harder and more enjoyable.

But afterwards, like now, I was wondering why I asked about one common potential minefield (face slapping) but left out another (putting my hand on her neck). What is more noteworthy is just how much this has become part of my playing repetoire without me really knowing it. It’s not that I am a big proponent of breath-play. I just really like putting my hand around the bottom’s (most often Maja’s) neck as a sign of dominance & control of the scene.

And by the same thinking, over the past few months, I realize I’ve grown to enjoy playing with fear. Well, not fear, but that look in the bottom’s eyes of “Holy crap, what did I get myself into?!?” is rather priceless, even if the bottom knows (or at least should) that nothing too painful/bad/injurious/etc is going to happen. And I find that a hand on the neck is an excellent way to achieve that. Since, I could, in theory, start choking, start some (surprise) breathplay… I most likely wouldn’t. But I could.

Perhaps fear isn’t the right word. No, it’s definitely not. I can’t think of the word that fits what I’m thinking of. Let’s try this: mix one shot of control, one shot of determination, two shots of general emotional intensity (the non-stomach-lining-hating kink equivalent of MSG), and a splash of fear-inducement, and you kinda have what I’m going for. (Still confused? Ask in a comment)

I don’t actually try to get my bottoms to be afraid of me (although I’m not opposed), I just really like to be the one in control when I’m topping, that emotional intensity. And frankly, what better way to set such a mood for a scene than to push someone up against the wall by their neck?

Hell, it might just take their breath away.

Posted in emotions, fear, kink, labels, language | 2 Comments »

Straight as an arrow?

Posted by Týr on September 14, 2007

My friend Topdrop was stuck in a Santa Cruz hospital until yesterday, so I decided to call him yesterday to give him a change from the boredom and ennui that is endemic to hospitals.

After he was telling me that he went to a gay bar and was happy to see “lots of cute guys”, I asked him how things like the gay bar trip and having a (FTM – that’s important too him) boyfriend work with his identifying as straight. The way I understood it, (and Topdrop, please tell me if this interpretation is incorrect) he is only attracted to feminine people, be they male, female, or other, and therefore identifies as straight.

This was a completely new definition of heterosexuality for me. It seems that he, in judging his attraction to other people, completely ignores their own identity and self-image. This definition seems to completely ignore the “hetero” part in heterosexual. Does Topdrop have a different definition of “straight” than everyone else I’ve met? Because that’s what it looks like to me. I also asked him why he doesn’t identify as bisexual or pansexual, since a partner’s actual gender identity does not appear very important to him. His answer was essentially an expansion of his reasoning that he’s straight: he is not attracted to masculine people, even if they’re women.

If you ask me, this meets the (Wikipedia) definition of pansexuality, since he doesn’t seem to care about his partner’s gender. It seems like a completely unique way of defining one’s sexuality. It never dawned on me, and it still doesn’t, to equate heterosexuality with a feminine appearance and nothing else.

Straight, to me, means heterosexual, which means that you’re attracted to the opposite sex essentially exclusively. I myself, am a straight male. I just realized that I feel silly to say “I identify as straight” instead of “I am straight”, since it was never really was a question in my mind. (I feel like I should start using the term cis-male but I’d be using the term ironically.) The only men I can say that I’ve ever been attracted to are Blaise, a transman, and sometimes a friend I shall call Dancer, whose appearance can best be described as ‘pretty boy’. The former is unlikely to ever amount to anything since he is a smoker and I find that abhorrent, the latter is not actual attraction since his girlfriend (who I shall term The Scot) is really the driving force behind this because she wants to see us make out.

Topdrop’s meaning of the word “straight is one I have no come across yet. I don’t mean to impinge upon his identity of himself, but his just seems wrong. It looks like it’s based on a wrong definition of the word “straight”. Does this mean that I could legitimately refer to him as something other than straight when talking to other people, assuming they have the same understanding of “straight”? Do I have to adopt his definition when talking to him? Am I completely off base here?

I must continue discussing this with him, because this type of mindset is just so utterly fascinating and new to me. Truth be told, his is a lovely mind to converse with about most anything. But this specifically, since it’s so very fascinating to me.

More on this after I talk to him again.

Posted in gender, kink, labels, language, sexuality | 4 Comments »

I dub thee…

Posted by Týr on September 4, 2007

So at Floating World 10 days (or so) ago, I decided to take part in the Labels Panel, partly because my good friend Eileen was moderating the panel, but mostly because I am actually interested in language and how it’s used. I would have to say my greatest intellectual interest in this is what names and pronouns to use for my transgender friends when referring to their pre-transition times. But I digress…

One of the things that struck me about how vehemently this one trans-man (I forget his name) opposed labels for being too confining. Now I never really had any gender identity issues that I’ve had to deal with. Likewise, being heterosexual spared me from any teasing/abuse I may have received (though frankly I doubt it would have happened at my school). Still, whenever I feel like I have to describe myself for whatever reason, such as my Tale of Týr page, I too find labels horribly retarded. How do you distill who you are, whether in a couple of words or in a treatise? I find this incredibly annoying and difficult, and I have no problem describing myself as a heterosexual male. Not ever having had to use it myself, I feel like the term “gender-queer” is more a definition by exclusion than an actual definition. I seriously couldn’t imagine having define myself by playing Botticelli let alone envisioning how to deal with a problem like choosing which bathroom feels more comfortable. (Personally, I believe that bathrooms in places where one doesn’t assume that men just spray everywhere (which seems to be any public bathroom, such as concerts, stadia, etc) should be unisex, but that isn’t really relevant to this entry). But I digress… so now I move on.

Sure, labels suck. I know that I would leave out a Metric Fuckton if I tried to use 5 words to describe myself: heterosexual, toppish-switch, engineer, German, metal-head. I just thought of something purely for the sake of my own curiosity: while I could indeed easily list another 15 words to describe me, I was wondering which five words you, beautiful reader, would use to describe me. Please don’t use any of the words I used. Whether you want to bar words that other people have used is up to you.

So, if labels are acknowledged by all to suck, why do we continue to confine ourselves to the narrow definitions that all labels have? The simple reason is that otherwise no communication would happen. All communication inherently contains some uncertainty, thanks to different nuances in precise definition and, to use Maymay’s terminology, the fact that speech has no checksum. Labels simply have the same drawbacks inherent to speech itself. Yes, it’s a shame that when using labels you feel like you need a seemingly endless array of them if you want to get remotely close to actually defining yourself.

The thing is, if we simply chose not to, we’d just be staring at each other nicely talking about the weather. And that shit happens way too much already.

Posted in floating world, gender, labels, language | 7 Comments »