Everyone needs a love tap now and then

…and it may just be good for what ails you.

Archive for the ‘kink’ Category

…and now for something completely different…

Posted by Týr on September 30, 2007

Enough with the entries that consist solely of me linking to something else: In recent weeks I’ve started bottomming to Maja again. I don’t really know when the last time that I bottommed to her previously was, but I would put it in the area of 12 months. It was actually getting to the point where I debated with myself whether I was still a switch. After all, as my relationship with Maja has progressed, I’ve taken a more dominant role in my or her bedroom.

Then, suddenly, a couple weeks ago I noticed I wanted to be hurt. ‘Where did this come from?’ I asked myself. ‘This doesn’t match what you’ve been thinking of yourself as lately.’ But the feeling and desire to be hurt stayed. I’m still not sure where it came from, but I just chalk that one up to the interesting course that life takes in all of us.

And so for the past two or three weekends, Maja has been more than happy to oblige, though at first she was somewhat surprised by witnessing me asking her to hurt me. Hell, I was confused (see above). However, it all made sense after yesterday morning. At some point in time, Maja pulls me over into a lovely hug, at which point I start to come to.

Aside: Why does it take me longer to join the world of the living when I am woken up by a beautiful lady with amorous intentions than any other method. Seriously, doesn’t that seem a little off?

Eventually, after she climbs on top of me, I realize that she is in a state in which I have rarely seen her: In control of the scene. Not acting like she is in control, but actually in the driver’s seat. This morning is hers, and I am (along for) the ride.

Again, I ask her “hurt me”, so she digs her fingers into my rib cage. “Hurt me.” She slaps me in the face. “Hurt me.” She pulls my hair.

What I realized that morning is that when I bottom, I don’t actually drop into sub-space, not even close. When I first realized my like for BDSM, I thought that the masochist in a scene must also by definition be the submissive partner. Clearly this is not the case, but it does explain why Maja’s and mine early scenes with her on top didn’t go the according to plan – I just simply didn’t like giving up control. So that just means that I didn’t. ‘But Týr, didn’t you just say that she was in control just 8 or so lines above?’ Well, yes, but that does not imply that I was accepting a lesser stature in the scene. For example, if I had kept my mouth shut, I probably wouldn’t have been hurt as much. We were still equals, she was simply guiding the course of the scene more than I was.

All I added was “Hurt me.”

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Posted in emotions, kink, labels, sexuality | 5 Comments »

Kinky Jesus?

Posted by Týr on September 29, 2007

Apparently Christian groups aren’t too happy with this picture advertising for the Folsom Street Fair.

I can’t imagine why.

(via Mistress Matisse)

Posted in funny, kink, linkage | Leave a Comment »

One of the most touching posts I’ve read in a while.

Posted by Týr on September 27, 2007

Kaya has written a beautiful, heartfelt open letter to her husband/Master on the occasion of their upcoming 1 year wedding anniversary. I can only recommend this blog to anyone and everyone, regardless of how interested you are in maledom/femsub.

Posted in kink, linkage | 2 Comments »

Straight as an arrow?

Posted by Týr on September 14, 2007

My friend Topdrop was stuck in a Santa Cruz hospital until yesterday, so I decided to call him yesterday to give him a change from the boredom and ennui that is endemic to hospitals.

After he was telling me that he went to a gay bar and was happy to see “lots of cute guys”, I asked him how things like the gay bar trip and having a (FTM – that’s important too him) boyfriend work with his identifying as straight. The way I understood it, (and Topdrop, please tell me if this interpretation is incorrect) he is only attracted to feminine people, be they male, female, or other, and therefore identifies as straight.

This was a completely new definition of heterosexuality for me. It seems that he, in judging his attraction to other people, completely ignores their own identity and self-image. This definition seems to completely ignore the “hetero” part in heterosexual. Does Topdrop have a different definition of “straight” than everyone else I’ve met? Because that’s what it looks like to me. I also asked him why he doesn’t identify as bisexual or pansexual, since a partner’s actual gender identity does not appear very important to him. His answer was essentially an expansion of his reasoning that he’s straight: he is not attracted to masculine people, even if they’re women.

If you ask me, this meets the (Wikipedia) definition of pansexuality, since he doesn’t seem to care about his partner’s gender. It seems like a completely unique way of defining one’s sexuality. It never dawned on me, and it still doesn’t, to equate heterosexuality with a feminine appearance and nothing else.

Straight, to me, means heterosexual, which means that you’re attracted to the opposite sex essentially exclusively. I myself, am a straight male. I just realized that I feel silly to say “I identify as straight” instead of “I am straight”, since it was never really was a question in my mind. (I feel like I should start using the term cis-male but I’d be using the term ironically.) The only men I can say that I’ve ever been attracted to are Blaise, a transman, and sometimes a friend I shall call Dancer, whose appearance can best be described as ‘pretty boy’. The former is unlikely to ever amount to anything since he is a smoker and I find that abhorrent, the latter is not actual attraction since his girlfriend (who I shall term The Scot) is really the driving force behind this because she wants to see us make out.

Topdrop’s meaning of the word “straight is one I have no come across yet. I don’t mean to impinge upon his identity of himself, but his just seems wrong. It looks like it’s based on a wrong definition of the word “straight”. Does this mean that I could legitimately refer to him as something other than straight when talking to other people, assuming they have the same understanding of “straight”? Do I have to adopt his definition when talking to him? Am I completely off base here?

I must continue discussing this with him, because this type of mindset is just so utterly fascinating and new to me. Truth be told, his is a lovely mind to converse with about most anything. But this specifically, since it’s so very fascinating to me.

More on this after I talk to him again.

Posted in gender, kink, labels, language, sexuality | 4 Comments »

I’ve been linked!

Posted by Týr on August 30, 2007

So on Thursday, before leaving for Floating World, my blog had a lowly 92 hits on it’s hit counter. When I looked again on Monday, there were 893. Where did all these come from? I was thinking that perhaps I left some incredibly wise comment on one of the many blogs that I read. But since I would hardly describe my writing as fantastic, I ruled that out fairly quickly. Then, after going through my blogroll, I saw that Kaya linked to my rambling post on objectification.

I think Kaya might be the first sex blog that I started reading. THANK YOU KAYA!

Posted in kink, linkage, objectification, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

Floating World

Posted by Týr on August 30, 2007

So this past weekend was Floating World, and like Maja would say, it was a life-changing experience. In some way have I never felt quite so comfortable with who I am as I did there. But why did I feel so comfortable there? I can’t say that I learned something that blew my mind away. I didn’t meet anyone who swept me off my feet (well, literally speaking). Does this mean that kink is a bigger part of my life than I had thought? I think I shall save that thought for a later date.

So the first day there, while watching Jefferson‘s presentation about the G- and P-spot we met two other young-folk like ourselves, Switch and Boy with whom our entire group of friends hit it off, but Maja and I most of all. They are fantastic and funny and awesome. Sadly, we only found out then that they lived in upper Manhattan the entire summer and we didn’t know about them. Hell, they were even at Folson Street East but we somehow didn’t get to know each other then. Enough with the rant about not having gotten to know them sooner.

Since they are both “rope geeks” and were more than happy to practice their talents, they ended up suspending Maja, May, and myself. Maja absolutely loved it, as did May. My experience was a little less pleasant, not because of anything that Switch, Boy, or Dov (who was helping our new friends) did wrong, but because my body simply decided that it didn’t want to be part of such a new experience and decided to clench up every muscle that I have. To the extent that I was sore the next day. That being said, I’d love to do it again. It’s one of those weird experiences that in retrospect is awesome, but at the time was not entirely enjoyable.

Out of the blue on Saturday, Eileen came up to Maja and I and told us that she wanted to do a take-down with Maymay and that’s all she knew. I immediately offered her the use of my spandex hood for the scene, which she very gladly accepted. Luckily I packed it that day. Come 12 hours later, Maymay gets abducted and beaten pretty much as planned. While I’d try to describe it, Maja and myself fairly soon peeled off and did our own scene while Maymay was still being taken care of, so I’d suggest you try reading Eileen’s account of it.

Sadly, the rest of the weekend is kind of a blut-of-awesome. Not a moment of boredom, of ennui. Just all this stuff going on around me, all of it awesome. I can’t wait for next year.

Posted in conversio virium, floating world, hello world, kink | 2 Comments »

Thought I’d join the party.

Posted by Týr on August 13, 2007

You know, I technically already have a blog for this kinda stuff. Somehow I just grew out of having a livejournal. It seems a little too angsty/adolescent/etc somehow.

So what am I going to be posting here? I don’t know what exactly right now – it’ll probably be whatever comes into my head. It’ll at least be vaguely related to kink/BDSM/bondage/S&M. I guess I’ll start off with an intro.

By day, I’m a humble structural engineer. By night, I’m mostly asleep. In between, I like to hit my girlfriend whenever she lets me do so. Considering that technically I’ve been kinky for almost 4 years now you’d think that I’ve done more than I actually have. I guess that’s what being overly worried that your roommates will hear and the fear of awkwardness (definitely an issue with my current roommates) will do to you. 

I’m a fairly regular attendee of Conversio Virium and it seems that most of my current social circle is taken from its ranks without ever really having made the effort. I’m quite good friends with Eileen and Maymay and in fact they live only a few hundred feet or meters (either applies really) from my own domicile. I’m going to be going to Floating World and will be paying for it hard labor.

As for my pseudonym, I wanted to take a name from mythology, but didn’t want to choose one from Greek or Roman mythology. Now, I’m somewhat of a contrarian (my girlfriend M will disagree with the “somewhat” part), so that ruled out those sources. That, plus the fact that I’m German, made me want to go with Germanic mythology. The closest I could find was Norse, and after looking through the names for a couple days I went with Týr because I wanted a name that went with one of my initials and he seemed like a cool source of the name (though I still have to read the Edda to confirm that for myself). Now I feel like joining the fray that exists online for no particular reason. In fact, judging by how much free time I have on a given weekday to do this kinda stuff, I shouldn’t. But then again, there will be plenty of time to sleep when I’m dead. Which is hopefully a long ways away.

Posted in conversio virium, floating world, hello world, kink | 6 Comments »