Everyone needs a love tap now and then

…and it may just be good for what ails you.

Loving Violence – The Power of Punching

Posted by Týr on August 9, 2009

Seeing the empty schedule board at KinkForAll-NYC2 yesterday morning, I decided that that afternoon would bea good opportunity for me to give a quick presentation on one of my favorite kinks, both as a top and a bottom: punching. So in between keeping the event on schedule and before lunch, I jotted down some quick notes about punching, hoping that I had enough to fill my 20 minute slot. It seems I just barely did, so now I’ll put my notes here (and on the KFA website). I’m also mostly going to speak from the position of a punching top, but I do enjoy both topping and bottoming to punching.

Why do I like punching? Well, to me, there are four things about it: it’s a very direct, intimate, powerful, and passionate. And now let me explain what I mean by these terms:

  • direct: there is nothing between you and your bottom. There’s no toy that separates you from your bottom. You feel the same impact your bottom feels, though obviously in a different way.
  • intimate: punching, to me, is a very primal, violent act. To me, someone letting me punch them is a huge sign of trust. Also, by the very nature of punching, you need to be within arm’s length of your bottom. There’s no way for you to not be in your bottom’s face when you’re punching them, so it adds a certain element of “I can’t escape!” to the scene
  • powerful: since punching is, generally speaking, something that is done only out of great anger, letting someone do this out of love makes this so very intense, at least for me. To allow me to turn this angry act into a loving one means a lot to me, and I very much enjoy showing my bottoms this love. They often don’t know just how much love they’re in for.
  • passionate: you cannot throw a punch and do it half-assed. It’s just not possible. Even if you are just going for a fairly light punch, it is going to be very intense. It is a style of play that makes for passionate play, whether you want it to or not.

Additionally, if you are stronger than your bottom, it is a lot of fun to man-handle your bottom. If you’re punching your bottom’s chest and you decide that you want to move on to their back, just pull them up, flip them around, and shove them back against whatever they were leaning against. There’s quite the power rush that comes with that kind of physical domination.

I got to say, as a top, I really like to bruise. I really enjoy knowing that the next morning, when my bottom wakes up and gets in that early morning stretch, they immediately have to cut it short because of the bruises. So please be aware, your bottom will bruise. I, personally, when I get punched, rarely visibly bruise. But a bottom I play with often bruises quite nicely, and the evil person in me really does enjoy poking at the bruises, quite literally, the next day. Also, the next day bruises are often lovely, or as Maja describes them, “tasty”, reminders of the previous night’s fun. And playing lightly with bruises is really fun, no matter what role you’re playing.

Finally, we get to where to punch. Punching is generally done wherever you do other kinds of impact play: the big meaty areas, like the chest, upper back, thighs, shoulder. Avoid joints, kidneys, like you do with flogging or caning or somesuch. I tend to avoid forearms and calves, but I find them not substantial enough, but I suppose your mileage may vary. As for technique, a great hint that I received was to “aim 3 inches below the surface of the skin.” Let me explain what that means: if you are at arm’s reach, then you end up slowing your punch already by the time you fist is about to impact, because else the rest of your body will follow your fist across the room. Clearly this would not be good. So, if you position yourself so that full extension means you’d end up “3 inches below the surface” your fist will impact while still moving at full speed, leading to a much more satisfying blow. And finally, you want to punch with more than just your arms. If you only use your fists to punch, you only end up with a jab. Now, this can be fun if that’s what  you want. But if you want throw as much power into your fist as possible, then you have to use your whole body. I wish I had a martial arts background to explain this better, but basically your entire body has to be in motion for a punch to be as powerful as possible. Your knees, your legs, your torso, your upper body are all driving your arm forward and your arm itself is doing any of the effort.

So that’s my presentation on Punching in a nutshell. If you were at KFA and saw me present and have any questions or things to add, please comment. I’d be glad to address any questions you may have, possibly at other KFAs. I’m thinking about doing this at KFA-Boston in September, so making this presentation better would be much appreciated. Any and all feedback is welcome.

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6 Responses to “Loving Violence – The Power of Punching”

  1. SJ said

    I like it! Well done!

  2. Maja said

    So happy that you got all verbose on us at #KFANYC2. You might want to look into tagging this post a little more thoroughly so that it’ll come up on searches of the hashtag. (I’ll need to do this too, for my own notes.)

    Things to add (that were covered during the question and answer portion):

    – Varying the surface-area of your fist greatly affects the sensation the bottom gets. For added fun, tenderize an area of flesh, then attack a smaller part of it. Use your knuckles if you want to be really mean.

    – Use your whole body to punch, not just your arm. You won’t tire as quickly, and your punches will be more… authoritative, if not more forceful. Find your center of gravity, keep your knees soft, and be aware of your body when you punch, from hip to shoulder to fist.

  3. maymay said

    Seconding Maja’s comment, in addition to adding the appropriate tags to this post (i.e., both ‘kinkforall’ and ‘kfanyc2’), you could also add a link to the Schedule Grid at http://wiki.KinkForAll.org/KinkForAllNewYorkCity2Schedule to this post so people who weren’t at the event or who missed your talk (like me!) can more easily find this. 🙂

  4. Kai said

    Interesting it definatly gave me some things to think about and i wrote those thoughts on my blog.

  5. maymay said

    If you haven’t seen it yet, you should read this feedback on your Power of Punching presentation.

  6. I’ve never been a fan of punching or hard slapping.

    Hard spanking or whipping is great but for some reason I’ve always been uncomfortable with punching and slapping, I think it crosses some mental line I have and the experience begins to feel more like an assault.

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